Beautiful Country: A Memoir

In the United States, Qian confronted a world very different from the one she was accustomed to. Her mother seemed paranoid, keeping the lights off whenever Ba Ba was away, and commanding Qian to stay away from the windows. Their apartment was small, and they shared a communal bathroom and kitchen with other immigrant families. When the families gathered at mealtime, Ba Ba told Qian to stay quiet because their landlady hid in the pantry to eavesdrop on the group. The food they ate in America was different too. Qian recalled sharing one slice of pizza with both her parents. It was delicious, but she soon found herself hungry again.

While Qian struggled to make friends, she found solace in TV. She enjoyed The Simpsons, but the show’s portrayal of Asian characters left her feeling uncomfortable about her own appearance in ways she had not experienced before. The shows on PBS Kids brought her the most comfort: Reading Rainbow, Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood, and Sesame Street. Her favorite was The Puzzle Place, which featured puppets of different races and felt inclusive and joyful. 

Ma Ma taught Qian not to trust anyone, including other Chinese people and police officers.