Braving the Wilderness: The Quest for True Belonging and the Courage to Stand Alone

In Chapter 1, Brown introduces her writing process as an “uncertain and risky” endeavor, in part because her research findings have a tendency to “challenge long-held beliefs or ideas” (3). Brown notes that she takes inspiration from creative, courageous people such as J. K. Rowling, bell hooks, and Ken Burns. In particular, Maya Angelou is a key inspiration, and Brown points to one quote in particular that encapsulates the theory of belonging explored in this book: “You are only free when you realize you belong no place—you belong every place—no place at all. The price is high. The reward is great” (5).

Brown describes her initial frustration with this quote, which runs counter to her own early experiences with belonging. She shares several personal anecdotes of not having the right name (kindergarten), the right religion (elementary school), or “shine” (high school). In recalling memories of aloneness, separateness, and even shame, Brown speaks to the powerful human drive to belong and explains why individuals settle for “fitting in.” In the absence of belonging, she notes three possible outcomes: 1) living with pain and seeking relief through numbing or harmful acts; 2) denying the pain and, in so doing, passing it to others; and 3) finding the courage to own pain and develop empathy when identifying or engaging with hurt in the world.