Braving the Wilderness: The Quest for True Belonging and the Courage to Stand Alone

The final element of true belonging refers to the Buddhist aphorism “strong back, soft front,” and it points to where practitioners must hold courage and vulnerability when braving the wilderness (148). After individuals have experienced what it means to speak and act in ways that feel “right despite the criticism and fear,” they become “painfully aware” of the difference between fitting in and true belonging (148).

To develop a strong back, Brown advises revisiting the BRAVING strategies and Maya Angelou’s declaration of self-love and self-respect: “I belong to myself” (150). Angelou’s words encapsulate the moment of true belonging when we come to “like ourselves and are concerned when we judge ourselves too harshly or allow others to silence us” (150). As Brown’s friend Jen Hatmaker describes, striking out into the wilderness comes at a cost, but eventually, travelers in the wilderness will discover a “stunningly vibrant” gathering place where “all the creatives and prophets and system-buckers and risk-takers have always lived” (152).

Paradoxically, true belonging also requires the soft front of vulnerability, in part because an armored front prevents love, joy, intimacy, trust, and courage from arising.