Heartstopper: Volume Two

Overcoming internalized anti-gay bias is a complicated process that is undertaken on both an individual and social level. Nick goes through this experience as he falls in love with Charlie and realizes he is bisexual, and he struggles with the reality of having others know this fact about him. Nick sends Charlie mixed signals for the first several weeks of their relationship, but he is willing to be open with Charlie about his confusion and is constantly apologetic for being hard to read. Nick will want to be close with Charlie, but as soon as he senses someone noticing, he pulls away: “I guess people knowing about us still makes me panic” (188). While this does hurt Charlie, Charlie is willing to put his own emotions aside for the sake of allowing Nick the time he needs.

Nick explains, “I thought… I just really liked you as a friend … but I kept wanting to… I don’t know… hug you and hold your hand” (53). Having never had these feelings about a boy before, Nick doesn’t recognize them. Nick’s internalized anti-gay bias is not a hatred of gay people, but rather a feeling of shame associated with being gay.