No Visible Bruises: What We Don’t Know About Domestic Violence Can Kill Us

When Michelle’s baby Kristy was six months old, Michelle moved into Rocky’s trailer and insisted that she, Rocky, and the baby try to be a family for her daughter’s sake. Michelle’s parents were devastated but vowed to be supportive. Michelle put Kristy in day care and returned to high school. She was soon pregnant again, but when her son Kyle was born, she would push a stroller two miles to drop the children at daycare so she could attend high school. She never asked for help and graduated on time. Rocky, whose work with a seismic crew kept him on the road working long hours, quit his job to have more time with his family. He took construction jobs but failed to keep them for long. When Michelle considered taking a job to help the family’s finances, Rocky became enraged, and Michelle never again suggested that she work outside the house.

As the years passed, Rocky’s controlling behavior expanded to include forbidding Michelle from wearing makeup, from going out without him, and from socializing at home. Snyder quotes the work of Evan Stark, author of Coercive Control, to show that Rocky’s behavior is typical of domestic abusers, who often “dominate and control every aspect of a victim’s life without ever laying a hand on her” (36).