Such, Such Were the Joys

“I was crying partly because I felt that this was expected of me, partly from genuine repentance, but partly also because of a deeper grief which is peculiar to childhood and not easy to convey: a sense of desolate loneliness and helplessness, of being locked up not only in a hostile world but in a world of good and evil where the rules were such that it was actually not possible for me to keep them.”

Orwell is here referring to his unconscious disorder of bed-wetting. He utilizes point of view to convey the despair of his childhood self while setting a baleful tone. The passage underlines the essay’s portrayal of A Child’s Worldview.

“Sin was not necessarily something that you did: it might be something that happened to you.”

Here, Orwell references the idea that the preparatory school codes are impossible to adhere to. His use of this epigram (a short, pithy saying) underlines the role of shame in The Normalization of Abuse.

“I did not wet my bed again—at least, I did wet it once again, and received another beating, after which the trouble stopped. So perhaps this barbarous remedy does work, though at a heavy price, I have no doubt.”

The idea that the abuse Orwell sustained had a practical purpose is an early example of an ironic aside. Even though Orwell is criticizing the preparatory school system, he concedes that some of its methods produce results. However, the “price” was psychological trauma and internalized shame.